…I’m going home. Ten minutes ago I paid my flight back home. The travel agent was a little surprised I think when I walked into the agency yesterday requesting for a flight home “as soon as possible”. Anyway, I’ll fly out of Brisbane on Monday night, have a stop over in Kuala Lumpur for about 15 hours, luckily I’ll get free acommodation there and then I’m back in Frankfurt on Wednesday morning. Once I’m back home I’ll start working again within a few days and then in a couple of months when I’ve saved up enough money I’ll fly back to Brisbane and travel to the north to do the Whitsundays Sailing trip and hopefully a dive out in the Barrier Reef before flying out of Sydney to New Zealand.
It’s is quite a strange feeling to know that next week around this time I’m already home. I said goodbye to David last night which was as hard as I feared it would be. But it’s very good to know that I’m actually only taking a break and that I’ll be back in only a few months and that I’ll see him again then.
Anyway…for the last days I’ll be staying at the house of Lea’s hostfamily a.k.a. as “the mansion” ;o) So I’ll have one fun weekend before flying home!

I think this has been one of the toughest decisions in my life yet, but last night I have decided to take break and fly home as soon as possible. I know many of you will say that I’m crazy, giving up sunny Australia to come back to boring and cold Germany. But that is exactly what I need right now…I want to get bored senseless within the next few months so that being able to travel will be yet again something to look forward to and not something to go through with. Up until Australia my trip has been fantastic and I’ve met a whole bunch of cool people and I’ve been to amazing places around the world. For now though I’m really tired of traveling. For you following my blog and my travels it must simply be one great adventure, but to be honest, traveling the world is a lot of work, too.
And I guess I knew that I would feel like this after a few months of traveling and thats why I had decided to work as an aupair for a few months to have some stability and a “normal” life for a while while digesting the impressions I’ve gained.
Well you all know that the aupair thing wasn’t meant to be and I realized during the last 2 weeks that I don’t that the mentality to do the work and travel ( or at least not after having already traveled for almost 6 months).
It’s not like I wouldn’t be able to find work, I got work at a hostel straight away and only yesterday I got offered a two full time jobs. One would have been to work for a sales and marketing teams while the other would have been to work a nearby toy factory. So it’s not that…it’s about being happy with what I do. I thought that once I got a full time job that would stop the worries about money that I would be okay. But I’m not…it all doesn’t feel right and there is no point in going through with something only for the point of not quitting. Besides, I’m not really canceling the whole trip, I’m only taking a break. I will book a return flight to Germany, so that in about 3 to 4 months I will fly back to Australia and end the trip the way it was planned. But that way I have the chance to work at home where I can do a work I actually enjoy doing, make more money then here in Australia and come back hungry for more backpacking.
Yes, of course I’m afraid of regretting my decision soon after coming home, but let’s face it…none of the many options I have is perfect, so I’ll go with the one that I feel best about.
I also thought about only leaving Australia behind and flying to New Zealand straight away, but I think it’s a 50/50 chance I’m taking that I won’t feel any better in New Zealand either.
So let’s hope I’ll find a good flight today…I’m really excited about seeing most of you soon!

Just wanted to say thanks to all the people who wrote to me over the last days trying to cheer me up and trying to convince me to stay. I’m still figuring out what I’m going to do next. I’ll see the job agent tomorrow again, hoping to get a factory job for a couple of weeks. If I don’t have a job by the end of next week I guess I’ll leave Brisbane…either to go to Sydney and then New Zealand, or to go up north or to go home…we’ll see what happens.

Ah well…I just got an email from my friend Johanna and she had the perfect way of describing my life right now…it’s a freaking soap opera!!!
So I went all the way to Cleveland yesterday to see that German lady about the job that she had to offer. Well the job itself might have been very interesting indeed and a very good reference on my CV, but the working conditions were just crap. What she pretty much said was : I’ve got very high expectation, I don’t trust anyone and therefore keep an eye on you all the same time and when it comes to you free time after work, we’re pretty unfriendly and our kids are a pain in the arse! And I’m not even dramatising here…but I all I thought about was the money, so I said that I would give it a try, but then on the bus home I felt like ” What in the world am I doing????”, so this morning I cancelled the job again. Oh and I also cancelled the job at document company because 20 hours a week are just not enough to get by.
So back to start…living at a hostel, no money, no job!
And on top of it, I had a major meltdown last night. I’m just so ready to go home!!
So after I spent a couple of hours working at the hostel today - cleaning the kitchen..so much about being in charge of the luggage- I will now try to find out what I truly want. At the moment I’ve got no strength left and I feel like I need a break. My thoughts are going in circles and my mood are changing by the hours - I’m usually never like this. I always know what I want and what I don’t want!
I’ve got different option now, one would be to fly to New Zealand soon and leave the whole Australia experience behind and finish my trip early. Another would be to book a return trip home…then work at home for a couple of months, fly back to Australia early next year and finish the trip the way I’ve planned it ( that mu favourite right now). At last option I could try to somehow take it really easy for a week or so and see if I might feel better then.
I had always promised myself that if I’d ever come to a point where I’m not enjoying myself anymore that I woulldn’t force myself to keep going. I have worked so hard for the trip, but it’s all not worth it if it makes me feel this way.
Anyway…that’s it for now….

Jesses…die Dinge entwickelt sich hier mittlerweile so schnell, dass ich mit dem updaten kaum noch hinterherkomme. Frage mich mittlerweile wie meine armen Nerven dass alles mitmachen. Ich haette heute ja eigentlich im Hostel mit meinem Job als Luggage-Girl anfangen sollen. Joah, ich war auch wie verabredet um 9 Uhr da, aber dann stellte sich ziemlich schnell heraus, dass das Maedel, deren Schichten ich ja ab heute uebernehmen sollte, gar nicht plant zu gehen. Sie will selbst noch mindestens 6 Wochen im Hostel arbeiten. Na wunderbar…kann nicht mal irgendwas klappen??? Die Frau, die da was die Job angeht die Zuegel in der Hand haelt war heute aber natuerlich auch nicht da sondern krank zu Hause, na klar. So konnte mir in dem Moment auch keiner sagen ob es fuer mich ueberhaupt einen Job gibt und ob ich heute Nacht im Hostel bleiben kann wie besprochen oder nicht. “Just come back some time in the afternoon, maybe we’ll be able to help you then!” Ganz grosses Kino…wieder also mal ein Tag den ich homeless durch Brisbane laufe. Bin dann erstmal wieder ins Internet, kaum bin ich am email tippen klingelte mein Handy.Dran war eine deutsche Frau, die in Cleveland, ca. 30 km ausserhalb von Brisbane, eine Stelle zu besetzen hat. Waere auch als live in Position zu haben und auf jeden Fall eine Ganztagsstelle. Geht darum fuers Internet Texte umzuschreiben und zum Teil vom Englischen ins Deutsche zu uebersetzen. Klingt auf jeden Fall interessanter als der Hosteljob und das Scannen von Dokumenten. Musste dann also wieder ganz von vorne ueberlegen und abwaegen was denn nun am besten waer. Habe mich jetzt entschieden heute Nachmittag einfach mal hinzufahren und mir den Job genauer erklaren zu lassen. Bin auch am ueberlegen doch dort einzuziehen, obwohl ich das ja nach den Aupairerfahrungen nicht mehr machen wollte. Aber so kann ich wesentlich mehr verdienen als mit den beiden Jobs in Brisbane und ich kann dann ja immer noch hin und wieder nach Brisbane reinfahren. Grad am Wochenende lohnt sich das dann schon.
Naja, ist nun wieder alles offen…kann die naechsten beiden Naechte erstmal bei Ellen schlafen und dann werd ich ja vielleicht am Wochenende auch schon nach Cleveland ziehen wenn das Gespraech heute gut laeuft.
Hatte aber auch gestern abend trotz des Erfolgs mit dem anderen Job mal wieder nen echten Haenger. Hab langsam das Gefuehl dass soll hier einfach nicht sein in Australien und manchmal ueberlege ich dann schon ob ich nicht einfach nach Neuseeland weiterfliegen sollte und nochmal in ein paar Jahren nach Australien reisen sollte. Dieses ewige Hin und Her zerrt doch schon sehr an meinen Nerven und das macht sich auch mehr und mehr bemerkbar. Ich kann zwar einiges Wegstecken, aber langsam ist auch bei mir die Grenze erreicht!
Nun ja…mal sehen was es morgen dann schon wieder neues zu berichten gibt, wahrscheinlich geht nachher der Bus nach Cleveland in Flammen auf oder uns springt nen Rudel Kaengurus vor die Haube ;o)